


In Which the Boys have a Questionable Conversation

by Treekianthia



Series: Gremlin Adventures [3]
Category: Octopath Traveler (Video Game)
Genre: But only because Alfyn is first, Comedy, F/M, Ficlet, Friendship focused, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of romantic relationships, Post-Game(s), Spoilers, Therion is a gremlin, shitpost fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 01:52:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19141201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treekianthia/pseuds/Treekianthia
Summary: When the boys decide to go out for a drink after not seeing each other in a while, Therion decides he might as well tag along. Things get a bit awkward, however, when the conversation takes an interesting turn and Therion is the only ace in the room.





	In Which the Boys have a Questionable Conversation

It had been two years since the men had last gathered together to chat. Two long years filled with proposals, weddings, and adjustments to new lives. After Galdera’s defeat, things had never truly returned to normal, but they all had mundane tasks to attend to that gave them a sense of normalcy. A small town doctor, a well-known professor, a thieving merchant, a priest-in-training, and a humble mercenary… All gathered in a bar for a round of drinks.

It was like the start of a bad joke.

“Another round, boys!” Alfyn cheered merrily as he brought over a tray of drinks. It was the third one for most of them that night, and four of the five men were starting to loosen up. It was a sight that Therion knew well enough among common men.

“I should be careful with how much alcohol I intake tonight,” Cyrus muttered from one end of the table. “I do have a class to teach in the morning, and it would be most unfortunate if I was in too poor of a state to go.”

From the opposite side of the table, there was a laugh. “No shame in having to write in sick! Even teachers are allowed to have fun from time to time, and I’m sure your students would understand!” Olberic told the professor before taking a drink. The older gentleman’s face was starting to get flushed.

“Ah. but Mr. Albright also has his baby girl at home, doesn’t he?” the last of the men asked. “It probably wouldn’t benefit him to return after having too much to drink.”

“Right you are, Kit!” Cyrus agreed as he pushed his glass to the side. “And please, you can call me Cyrus. We’re all friends here!”

Therion watched as the older blond man shifted uncomfortably. Kit had always been the odd man out in the group, but it was to be expected. He hadn’t traveled directly with them, and the experiences he had involving them weren’t all good.

“It’ll help him sleep through the crying,” Therion joked as he continued to work on his first drink. “Won’t do much good for the hangover though, but I’m sure drinking some water will help a bit.”

There was another laugh from Olberic, “I think the professor has to worry about H’aanit more than a hangover. It’s a miracle the lass even let him come out tonight!” he stated. Cyrus turned a ghastly white color before placing his head in his hands.

“I still think I should have stayed home,” the professor admitted. “Karniela is only two months old, and quite the handful on her own. Maybe I should leave now before it gets too late.”

“How could you even consider doing such a thing!” Alfyn asked with an over-dramatic shock. “You can’t just leave us to drink all on our own!”

“H’aanit is a strong woman!” Olberic added on. “She and your daughter will be fine!”

Therion placed his drink back down. “Besides,” he began, “If anything goes wrong, she has the rest of our wives- and Erhardt- to help her.”

Kit nodded in agreement. “And Ophilia was rather adamant about helping out since we’re expecting. I think if anything, I should have stayed behind to help out as well.”

Next to Kit, Alfyn began to smile. “And Prim is pretty good with kids too! If Karniela even thinks about crying tonight, my darling dancer will have her calmed down in no time,” he promised. Looking up from his hands, Cyrus sighed.

“I suppose you four are right,” he said as he held his drink up. “I’m sure the girls and Erhardt will do just fine assisting her.”

“Speaking of Sir Erhardt… Is there a reason he didn’t tag along with us tonight, Sir Olberic?” Kit asked the older gentleman. “He seemed to have been really dismissive when we invited him.”

...an awkward silence followed.

Therion didn’t know what was going on, but nobody was choosing to speak. Not really caring either way, he finished his drink and leaned back in his chair. He wasn’t really one for gossip unless treasure was involved.

The silence broke when Olberic cleared his throat.

“Erhardt and I have been arguing again,” the mercenary revealed. Therion raised his eyebrow in response while placing his feet on the table.

“Is he still refusing to settle down?” the thief asked. He knew the two men had been on and off romantically, and it always seemed like a complicated mess. Therion couldn’t say much against them though, since he and Tressa went through a lot of their own problems before they finally decided to marry and settle down themselves.

Olberic crossed his arms. “Erhardt is very much a free spirit, and while I’ve found a place where I very much feel at home, he still travels to Wellspring and beyond. We just don’t see eye to eye on how to live the rest of our days together,” he explained. Cyrus nodded his head in understanding.

“You know, you two remind me of the gods Winnehild and Brand in that retrospect. Winnehild was very much about moving forward to fight, and Brand preferred to stay in one place for defensive purposes,” the professor pointed out. The mercenary took a large sip from his glass before almost slamming it back down on the table.

“You think I don’t know that?” Olberic grumbled in response. “It’s what makes things so difficult between us.”

“It sounds like the two of you have a lot you need to talk about and sort out,” Kit said rather quietly. He seemed a little nervous to add to the conversation.

Cheeks a bright red from his drinks, Alfyn suddenly held up his glass. “Here’s a solution!” the doctor exclaimed before laughing. “Maybe you two just need to bone some more!”

If Therion had still been drinking, he would have spat out his ale right there. The thief turned merchant watched as Olberic tensed up and stared at Alfyn almost menacingly. The mercenary was most certainly annoyed with the doctor’s words.

“And why… Do you think that?” Olberic asked the cheerful, half-drunk man. Alfyn was smiling, and definitely more loose tongued than he should have been. Therion knew this was going to be an interesting conversation.

“Sex is part of a healthy relationship!” Alfyn stated as his grin widened. “Shucks, Prim and I get at it at least once or twice a week!”

Therion glanced at Alfyn in shock and almost fell out of his chair.  _Once or twice a week?_  That seemed like a little much.

Cyrus began nodding in agreement. “He has a point. Before Karniela was born, H’aanit and I were making love a few times a month at the very least,” he admitted. Therion hadn’t thought Cyrus was  _THAT_  loose tongued, but apparently he had just proved Therion wrong.

“You guys can’t be serious,” Therion said as he glanced back and forth between the two men. “Isn’t that a little excessive?”

Alfyn furrowed his brow. “I don’t think so?” he responded in a slightly confused manner. “Every couple is different, but I think ‘excessive’ isn’t the best word to describe it.”

Therion took his feet off the table and looked at the quiet priest. “Back me up on this one, Kit,” he requested. “These guys are having way too much sex, right? Spill the details on you and Ophilia so I can prove it.”

Embarrassed that he had been put on the spot, Kit began blushing. “Urm, uh… Well....” he mumbled. “Ophilia and I, we um… Before her pregnancy, ah… We were intimate about once every one or two weeks…”

Therion gave Kit a deadpan stare. There was a sigh from Olberic. The mercenary was still annoyed.

“My sex life is none of your business, nor is talking of yours the correct solution to the problem,” Olberic lectured. He was starting to sound a bit like Cyrus, but Therion was glad for it. The white-haired man crossed his arms and stared up at the ceiling.

“It’s all about communication and compromise,” he mentioned. “When Tressa and I decided to become a couple, the biggest problem was that I was still committed to my thievish charms and ways. Of course, with her being a merchant and set to take over her parents’ shop, this was going to turn out to be a huge problem. We decided it was in our best interest if I only stole from those who were considered corrupt or had already stolen from another. Now, whenever I take something, we either give it back to the rightful owner or sell it and give the funds to somebody who needs it. I mean, I still get a little carried away from time to time, but we make it work.”

“Well, duh!” Alfyn responded. “That stuff is an important part of any relationship, but I’m just saying a little action from time to time can help out too!”

From his spot at the table, Cyrus was pondering something. “While both of you are right to a certain degree, I’m curious to as of why you think we have an excessive frequency of intercourse, Therion. Surely you and Tressa have been intimate before?” he questioned. Sighing, Therion rolled his eyes.

“If you have to know, we have been, but it’s only once every two or three months,” he stated bluntly. “Sometimes more if either of us are in a mood, but that rarely ever happens.”

The other four men stared at Therion. It was if he had said something crazy and they were having a hard time comprehending it. He waved his hand to signal he was done talking and reached for another drink.

Olberic was the next one to speak. “I think we’ve had enough of this conversation,” he said before going back to his own drink. The other three men nodded in agreement.

Therion, however, began to smirk. As strange as the conversation was, there was still something he could try and get out of it. He had been pulled into the conversation unwillingly, so it was only fair he made the others just as awkward with the conversation as he was. It wouldn’t be too difficult, as he had the perfect idea of how to get there. It also helped that everyone else was slightly drunk as well.

“I’m not done yet,” he told the group before taking a sip of his second drink. “I think there’s a little bit more we can discuss before moving on.”

“What else is there to ask?” Alfyn asked in response while furrowing his brow once again. Cyrus and Kit had similar expressions, and Olberic looked as if he was ready to leave the table at any moment with how annoyed he was. Therion, however, began to chuckle.

“I need to judge you guys a bit more or else I’ll get bored,” he said with a mischievous tone. “Tell me all the weird, kinky stuff you guys and your partners are into so I can blackmail you with it all later.”

A small town doctor, a well-known professor, a priest-in-training, and a humble mercenary all chased a thieving merchant out of a bar…

Now that was truly the start of a bad joke.

**Author's Note:**

> ....this is literally one the stupidest things I've written, and I'm posting it for the comedic factor. Therion and Tressa are hella ace, while everyone one else is most definitely not ace. I don't even know what else to even say about it other than this is a fic I wrote months ago but decided to re-purpose to go along with canon and not an au.
> 
> Any kudos and comments go towards supporting me to write more dumb fics like this.


End file.
